Post by Chad on Oct 29, 2005 6:19:41 GMT -5
What I've Learned From Watching Porn
Rated R
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not
scream
with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with
sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70s couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo
in
the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl
isn't
disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes,
the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove
your
cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by
giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend,
she'll
only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
remind
her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all
parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's
trousers
and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
firmly
on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his
hip.
Rated R
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not
scream
with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with
sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70s couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo
in
the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl
isn't
disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes,
the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove
your
cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by
giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend,
she'll
only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
remind
her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all
parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's
trousers
and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
firmly
on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his
hip.